Tag Archives: Humor

Conference Board Announces New Consumer Shoplifting Index

The Conference Board, best known for its Consumer Confidence Index announced today that in response to “increasingly recession panicked soccer Moms, meth heads, bonus-less Wall Street traders and nearly everybody f-ing else” it would begin tracking consumer shoplifting habits. Unlike the Board’s well established Consumer Confidence Index which utilizes a household panel of 5,000 Americans, […]

Poison Pet Food—Its Like Alar On Apples

Why Its Time To Start Educating Consumers  Well I love my cats almost more than myself. And yes I feed them the good natural stuff too, without preservatives and probably better for humans than most of the crackers at my local supermarket. Turns out that the unfortunate pet-poisoning incident has been a boom for natural […]

Overheard at Expo West—A Small Compilation of the Humurous and Inane

Overheard at the Expo  At a leading personal care booth: “Why should I give you a sample for your girlfriend? She isn’t my bitch.” Note: We think this was a joke. At the Clif Bar booth: “Everybody tells me I have a really great ass?” At the Kettle Chips booth: “Tastes like potato chips.” At […]

Do Natural Products Expo Attendees Drink More Booze

A little known fact, or should we say rumor, came our way last week. Turns out that the staff at the Anaheim Marriott stated that they serve more alcohol at the hotel bars during Expo West than any other convention.”Bartender, I’ll have a double Maker’s Mark and a some carob coated rice cakes, please.” For […]

Where Art Thou Cap’n Crunch?

In an announcement nearly as surprising as the fact that Starbuck’s opened a new store up this week, the Quaker Oats Company announced the results of a company sponsored study. Tufts University psychologists found that boys and girls did better on tests when they ate oatmeal than when they ate Cap’n Crunch. Furthermore the study […]

Crown Princess Wins FDA Contest As Andrea Linton’s Wit Works Wonders

Andrea Linton, Natural Products Manager for Crown Prince, emailed me from up the road in Petaluma (once the chicken capital of the west coast and now more precious and pricier than platinum) with this sterling entry to our contest to name the real meaning behind the initials FDA. Here regal answer was: FIRMLY DEMENTED ATAGONISTS. […]